The Battle of the Body

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In frustration, I flopped down on my bed now piled high with all the outfits I had tossed there over the past hour because they all “made me look fat”. I buried my face in my hands and began to sob. I didn’t want to go to this party anyway. I had nothing to wear. I felt fat, ugly and defeated. And now because of my self-pity and emotional outburst, I felt superficial and immature as well.

I couldn’t understand why as a Christian woman I cared so much about how I looked. It wasn’t like I was obese. (Although if it weren’t for my “problem” I would be.) A little chubby or incredibly obese…God loved me despite my outward appearance, didn’t He? Why did I have such a hard time even liking myself? I'd become obsessed with my generous thighs, less than perfect hips, and advancing invasion of cellulite.

In defiance and despair, I retreated to the kitchen. I had a few hours before my husband got home. I’d deal with my wardrobe issue and the party later. Right now I needed; or more accurately demanded, chocolate. And so, like endless times before, I escaped into my vicious cycle of bingeing and purging. I had been a closet bulimic since I was seventeen. Nobody knew my secret. Nobody knew the extent of my internal battle, the daily struggle to get a handle on my eating, my thoughts, my irrational body image. Nobody knew but me…and oh, yes…God.

At 28 years old, I had been struggling for well over a decade. I embraced many lies and discovered a few key truths along the way. The lies included a most damaging notion that if I could get my eating under control and my body the right weight, I would be a totally fulfilled and happy person. I thought that no matter how I got the fat off, being thin would be sufficient motivation stop bingeing.

The journey toward a lean body and godly perspective about my appearance was a long and difficult one and God revealed many truths along the way. He brought me to a place of celebration and acceptance of all He had given me in the physical dimension. He also helped me find victory in my habits and even discover a way to stay reasonably lean without becoming unreasonably obsessed with my looks.

That is why I am passionate about our Scale Down…Live It Up program and resources. I want everyone to know, there is hope and victory available. If you are struggling, it is time to look at your habits and your thinking through a grid of truth. You can know all the right things to do. But, it is impossible to do them until you are transformed from the inside out…”by the renewing of your mind”. I encourage you to join me and learn how God designed our bodies, minds and spirits so that you can overcome your habits and body image issues once and for all.

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