Mirror,
Mirror
By Danna Demetre
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Do
you like what you see when you look in the mirror? For me, it
depends upon what time of day I look! I certainly see a nicer
reflection after a little makeup and hair styling. Nevertheless,
I don’t think I’ve ever thought, “Now that’s
perfection…I finally look just right!” The good
news is that it’s just not as important to me as it used
to be.
As a young woman, I was terribly self-conscious about my appearance.
Perhaps, a more accurate word would be obsessed! I thought my
thighs were excessively fat and that everyone noticed my “saddle
bags”. I wanted nothing more than to acquire the long,
lean “Barbie doll” legs I had come to believe were
the model of perfection. I was oblivious to the reality of my
naturally narrow waist and flat stomach. All I saw were my fat
legs. Little did I know that all the girls who had thicker waists
envied mine and never even noticed my “thunder thighs”!
Ah…the power of perspective. Sadly, it took many years
of emotional pain, unhealthy behaviors and yo-yo dieting before
I could see myself accurately.
By God’s grace, I overcame my sixteen year struggle with
bulimia and emotional eating and learned how to maintain a reasonably
lean body without dieting! That certainly helped me improve
my self-concept. But most importantly, I learned to celebrate
with gratitude the body and appearance God chose to give me.
Now, even though I’ve been reasonably lean and content
with my body for the last two decades, I have to accept the
fact that this “earthly tent” is starting to give
in to gravity. Turning fifty is a humbling experience! We must
learn to have a sense of humor and remember that one day all
who are in Christ will have absolutely PERFECT, glorified bodies!
For
man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks
at the heart.
~1 Samuel 16:7 |
My Body…My “Selfz’
Body image is just a part of our total self-image. However,
in today’s culture, how we look seems to have more significance
than who we are. We are bombarded with magazine and television
ads that seem to say we need to look a certain way. It influenced
my profoundly thirty years ago. Today, the pressure is even
greater. Beauty and our disproportionate attention to seeking
the current “look” is really a matter of focus.
One of the best things we can do to develop a healthy body image
is change our focus. As they say, “Beauty
is in the eye of the beholder.” Will you behold society’s
image? It’s difficult avoiding the constant messages that
influence how we perceive ourselves. However, it is essential
if we are to celebrate with gratitude who we really are.
How do you really see yourself?
Most women do not see themselves accurately. No matter how much
weight we lose, we still see a fat woman in the mirror. Despite
the new outfits we buy or beauty tips we employ, we just never
look good enough. This lack of contentment comes from deep-seated,
unhealthy thinking. It took a lot of unhealthy messages to develop
these destructive body images and it will take a lot more healthy
ones to erase and replace them! Like me, many women see only
their flaws. When our body image is warped, it is very difficult
to let go of what you think you should look like and accept
what God designed you to be. This is not to say that it is wrong
to desire a leaner or more toned body. The key is to do the
right things that promote reasonable fitness and leanness and
accept the results with gratitude.
Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who
fears the Lord, shall be praised.~ Proverbs 31:31
To change your mind…you
must change your thoughts
Building a healthy body image requires an accurate perspective
of who we are inside and out. It demands that we see ourselves
correctly and change the messages in our minds about what is
beautiful. Very few of us would struggle to stretch our bodies
another four or five inches in height. It is virtually impossible,
at least without platform shoes! So, why would we try so hard
to look like a body type that doesn’t fit our own?
There is incredible freedom in embracing and celebrating with
joy exactly who you today! To do so, you must decide to invest
time and energy in thinking differently. Look around you. How
many of the people you see everyday look perfect by today’s
standards? Not many. Just imagine if you did not pick up one
magazine, newspaper or catalog in the next five years. What
if you never watched one minute of television? What would your
physical expectations be of yourself? It would be much easier
to accept and celebrate your body and appearance if you stopped
comparing it to an unrealistic “standard”.
Christ-Confidence
Do you believe God made you in His image? The goal of a grounded
Christian is not a healthy self-image or empowering self-confidence,
but rather a deeply abiding Christ-confidence. You gain that
by learning to see yourself through your Creator’s eyes.
By taking an inventory of your current attitudes, you can identify
your unhealthy thoughts and surrender them to God. Ask Him to
help you discard those falsehoods and embrace the truth of who
you are in Christ, physically, emotionally, intellectually and
spiritually.
Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by
the renewing of your mind.
~ Romans 12:2
Does your “self-image” glorify God? Does it reflect
how you want to see yourself or how God sees you? If you are
unhappy with your image of yourself, it’s time to “be
transformed by the renewing of your mind”. In Romans 12:2,
Paul tells us not to be conformed to this world. And, he gives
the prescription for doing just that. We are transformed by
discarding the lies and embracing the truth. First and foremost,
you must refocus your attention on seeing yourself from God’s
viewpoint. He sees you as a complete person – body, soul
and spirit. He is most concerned about who you are inside. Yet,
He doesn’t want you to disregard your body either. Pray
that He will give you an accurate perspective and a grateful
spirit not only for who you are potentially but also exactly
who you are this very moment. Reverse your negative thoughts
about yourself and instead tell yourself the truth. For example:
• “God created me and I am always beautiful
in His eyes.”
• “With God’s help, I can have a healthy and
reasonably lean body.”
• “I celebrate my body and realize it is not the
sum of who I am.”
• “I can enjoy life without always thinking about
how I look.”
• “I am focusing on my strengths more than my perceived
flaws.”
Often, we measure how we feel about ourselves by those around
us…by their strengths and weaknesses or by their response
to us. None of this is valid. You are a unique and valuable
person with your own set of strengths and weaknesses. Some people
are just a little closer to their potential! A healthy body
image is not one that allows you to see yourself better than
others, but rather celebrate with thanksgiving that which God
has given you. No matter how hard we try or how great we may
appear to the world, we are all imperfect creatures. Yet, each
of us was created for a purpose with unique talents and potential.
A lifelong battle with truth
It is easy to understand why beauty is so important to us. Even
researchers reveal that “beautiful people” get more
attention. They are more likely to acquire better jobs, higher
pay and a host of other privileges “average people”
don’t receive. That’s how the world responds. But,
you don’t have to buy into the unreasonable emphasis on
outward appearances. Living in the fallen world, it will be
a lifetime battle to maintain an accurate perspective. With
God’s help, you can. As I said before, it’s a matter
of focus.
Perhaps God gave you beauty according to the world’s standard.
Perhaps He didn’t. Whether He did or not, we must realize
that we are all blessed in a variety of ways with both human
attributes and spiritual gifts. One person is not better than
the other. We are all equal in God’s sight. It is our
human perspectives that have changed our perception of what
has value.
Beauty and the Bible
There are no messages in the Bible that tell us we must look
beautiful or thin to honor God. But many references are made
to our innermost being and our heart. 1 Peter 3:3-4 says, “Your
adornment must not be merely external braiding the hair, and
wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the
hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of
a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of
God.”
Beauty is not measured by objective criteria. Rather, it is
a subjective response to both personal preference and external
influence. Hundreds of years ago, women who are considered fat
by today’s standards were considered the most beautiful.
Today, most of those women would feel insecure about their appearance
because of the world’s emphasis on being ultra thin. Whatever
the current societal view, I think the author of Proverbs 11:22
puts beauty in perspective when he writes, “As a ring
of gold in a swine’s snout, so is a beautiful woman who
lacks discretion.”
If we believe the lie that we are less if our beauty doesn’t
fall into a certain category, we doom ourselves to a live a
life constrained because of the world’s standards. Start
thinking and writing about yourself as if you are already the
person God ultimately desires you to be.
Finding a balance
The healthy balance of making lifestyle changes that ensure
a healthier body tomorrow with a celebration of who you are
today will help you live each day to the fullest. I love the
verse in Psalm 118:24 that says, “This is the day that
the Lord has made, we will rejoice and be glad in it.”
In all areas of life, despite our weaknesses, we need to learn
to live in the moment and celebrate that gift to the fullest
realizing that we never completely “arrive” in any
area of life, this side of heaven.
It is essential that we treat our bodies with care and respect.
They are the only vehicles we have to get around in this temporal
life. So often, we implement the expedient lifestyle change
that helps us lose weight quickly or overcome some other physical
challenge without regard to the ultimate effect it will have
on our health. My motto is… “Do the right things
for the right reasons and leave the results up to God”.
One standard only…Christ
You will never be content if you see yourself in comparison
to others. The only person you need to strive to be like is
Christ. And, God is ready and willing to conform you to His
image if you surrender to His model of perfection. Celebrate
the unique person you were created to be! You are so much more
than a physical body! Are you content to let God work through
you to produce whatever results He pleases? Trust Him to find
the satisfaction you desire…a satisfaction that penetrates
deeply beneath the surface to your very soul.
A spiritual exercise
I challenge you today…surrender your current self-image
over to God and ask him to help you identify the lies you believe.
Then, replace those lies with truths from God’s Word.
Fill your mind with images of how God sees you. Go to Psalm
139 and realize the intimacy and love God has for you. Your
perspective of your own beauty will change dramatically. Spend
time each day in the arms of your heavenly Father, asking Him
to help you do this. Give your insecurities and frustrations
to Him. Choose to walk in the confidence of who you are in Christ.
To build a healthy and godly body image, we need to see ourselves
at our best potential from God’s perspective, not the
world’s.
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